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In Search of the Holy Should!

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Writing is not one of my easy, just do it now kind of talents.  I have to be inspired about something to write. Well, wouldn’t you know that just when I felt like the writing muses had deserted me, I went to an ICF New England event meeting last week. Talk about a dose of inspiration! Wow, I left that event on fire. The evening speaker was Tama Kieves, a career and success coach. She was engaging, funny, inspiring and a wonderful storyteller. Her passion was palpable and infectious. I swear that every person in the room felt like she was telling their story.

I came home excited to be excited again but what should I do with this excitement , how was I going to make it work for me?

I asked this question all week. I got coached on this question all week. I started reading her most recent book INSPIRED & UNSTOPPABLE and every page kept that fire burning.  I didn’t want to lose the excitement and inspiration that was coursing through my veins and filling my heart.  And then I had a mental breakthrough–not a mental breakdown, although sometimes a breakdown is just what leads to a breakthrough.  I realized that I was doing something with my excitement– I was sharing it with others to inspire others to their own action. I was using that inspiration in my coaching sessions, sharing her quotes and reading from her book- YES, seriously! I read a passage from her book to one of my clients and it brought him to tears! It spoke to him, touched his heart, cracked him wide open!  The inspiration was infectious and it started inspiring others to see their gifts and their talents, to be excited about their dreams!  All week I had been wondering what was the ONE thing I should be doing to harness this energy that would make the difference in my business or in my next big adventure. I didn’t even know if I had a next big adventure.

I was doing it without even realizing it.

I was so pre-ocuppied by what “it” should be that I was missing “it” in each moment. I was coaching with my heart on fire, open to give and receive, I was listening so deeply to my clients that I knew what quote would make the difference and that reading from the book would be just the right catalyst.  I was in the moment, I was trusting every inspiration that was coming through me. The key word here is TRUST what was coming through.

I just finished a coaching session with a colleague, (we are supporting each other to stay “inspired and unstoppable”). She was asking a similar question about a book she just wrote, what was the next thing to make her book really happen. Then through our coaching together, she realized that everything she was doing was supporting the book’s success and to just trust that it was all leading her there. Trust again!

How many times do you search for the “holy should be doing” when all along it is already happening?

Take pause….. recognize what you ARE doing, what you are experiencing every day.

Here are a few coaching questions in the moment to keep you in what I like to call, the power of TRUST:

  • How is what I am doing right now supporting my inspirations, dreams, musings, goals?
  • What am I doing naturally that I am not noticing?
  • How much of this is about being not doing– who I am and how I show up?
  • How can I use this natural way of being as a way to support everything I do for myself, as well as for others?
  • How can I trust “it is happening” in every moment, in every experience?
  • What stops me from trusting?
  • How can I shift my awareness to trust more and more in every moment?

Your answers to these questions might be different than mine but DO coach yourself and answer these questions.
See what comes naturally to you and how you do “it” without even trying to make “it” happen.

You just might surprise yourself or at least take a sigh of relief that “it” is happening even without you “making it happen“.

Comment how you stay in a place of trust and how “it” is happening for you.

Put me in Coach, I‘m ready to play!

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It’s April and that means it is time for Opening Day for Baseball season, a sure sign that spring has arrived and summer is on it’s way. What does that have to do with coaching? Everything if you are in the game. But what about professional life or business coaching?

In my recent newsletter, I mentioned how coaching was a lot like the lottery—you can’t win if you don’t play!  I started thinking about what it takes to get in the game and really play. It got me a bit teary-eyed because I couldn’t help but recall all those years sitting in the stands watching my son play baseball–I loved those days!

I remembered his passion and love for the sport. Nothing came before baseball. He never missed practice, he lived, breathed and dreamed the sport,he surrounded himself with friends that had the same passion and excitement for the sport and always was an inspiration and leader  for his team even if he didn’t get a chance to play.

I admired his passion and tenacity at such a young age and I loved being part of the MOB (Mother’s of Baseball). : )

 

 

 

 

As a certified coach you have what it takes to get in the game, even if you are a rookie.

You have to be passionate about what you do and tenacious about doing it. You can’t sit the bench, and watch your teammates play and tell yourself you need more experience before you can get in the game. In the words of  John Fogarty you have to tell yourself “Put me in Coach, I‘m ready to play, today!”  You have to decide what playing the game means to you and how you can make it happen.

Here are a few tips to help you get in the game:

  • Connect to your passion and what drives you to want to play the game. Let that fuel you to avoid grounding out to the short stop. See only opportunities, no problems or challenges.
  • Surround yourself with raving fans, peers and colleagues that share your excitement and support you to hit that home run!
  • Create the perfect play. Make it a priority in your life and create a doable plan by knowing what kind of player you are and how willing you are to commit to your game.
  • Never miss practice. Walk the talk—make coaching a way of life even outside the 1:1 client session to build confidence and role model coaching principles.
  • Get a Coach. Every great player has a great coach that will champion you, bring out your strengths and support your brilliance and talent.

 

Here is a little inspiration to get you up and moving from John Fogarty:

[jwplayer mediaid=”1241″]

 

When I need the inspiration to stay in the game, I remember the passion and tenacity of a boy in love with his sport.

I played the game and now my son will celebrate his 23rd birthday (which sometimes lands on Opening Day) and is ready to graduate college, in well, what else….sports management. And he still really loves baseball. : )

Here’s to getting in the game.  PLAY BALL!

Please post a comment and share with us how you get in the game.

The 6 Coaching Questions You Don’t Want To Ask

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What would a professional coach be without questions, especially powerful and empowering questions?

Every coach knows that along with the skill of listening, powerful questioning is the key skill to master to Be Brilliant at what you do. Effective, empowering questions evoke inspiration, creativity, motivation, and self-discovery for your clients.

But what about the powerful questions that are not so powerful that you don’t want to ask?

Here are six coaching questions you want to avoid asking your clients in any session. Ask only powerful and empowering questions that make your client shine.

#1 Why ?’s

[image_frame style=”shadow” align=”right” title=”Coaching questions you don’t want to ask”]https://thecoachescafe.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Stock-photo-whoa-stop-small.jpg[/image_frame]You start asking this question just as a very young child…. because why? You were curious, eager to learn new things. You wanted answers. As a child learning about life, this might be a very appropriate question because it did give you answers, well sometimes of course, till the adult got tired of answering because they just didn’t know the answer to why.

In a coaching session, why can feel overwhelming. Why questions are too big, they cause clients to go into their left-brain thinking of reasoning and rationalizing. Truly powerful questions access your clients’ creative right-brain thinking so they can create possibilities and solutions.

Why questions can also create defensiveness. You always want to maintain rapport with your clients and an atmosphere of safety and trust.

So when you feel the urge to ask a why question, see if you can rephrase it to What is it about…..

“Why are you upset about this?” Rephrase to: “What is it about this situation that upsets you or you find upsetting?

#2 Stacking ?’s

You love asking powerful questions, right? Do you sometimes have so many questions to ask you just don’t know which one to ask first and so you decide to ask them all…. one after the other?

Or maybe you ask the question and there is a pause from your client, so you are sure that they must need another better, clearer question to answer, so you ask yet another one before they answered the first one.

Or how about this, you ask a question and it doesn’t feel quite like the question you wanted to ask, so you immediately rephrase it until it feels right…to you.

Now you are left with a client who is confused and uncertain as to which question they should answer.

When you ask a question, your client immediately starts to process that question. When you ask another question right after that, now you have interrupted their thought process.

They are trying to follow it all but they feel confused and unclear how to answer. This is not empowering for your client.

Ask one question, let that question be heard and processed. To be a brilliant coach it is so important for you to be comfortable with silence and pause to allow your client to be with the question and allow their brilliance to shine.

#3 Long-Winded ?’s

Do you ever ask questions like this:

“How do you know that you are not a good writer because I heard you say that you have written lots of good articles and you know that writing articles is not one of your strengths but you did it, so what else might it be telling you about your ability to write well or even if you are a good writer and what if you could write well, what would you do differently?”

“Huh?”

Convoluted, long-winded, complicated questions are the cousins to Stacking ?’s and they make your client confused and uncertain about what they are responding to or even how to respond. Here is where the session can take a U turn instead of forwarding-the-action.

Keep your sentence structure simple and your questions succinct.
Your questions must be clear and to the point.

Avoid long-winded explanations. If you want to point out an observation, then do that first then ask your question in relationship to that observation.

The above question might sound more like this:

“I heard you say that you have written many good articles. I’m curious, what makes you think you are not a good writer? “

STOP! Wait for your client’s response. This may mean that you have to be comfortable with pause. Your next question will emerge from there. Remember: KISC—Keep it simple coach!

#4 Rhetorical ?’s

Are rhetorical questions the kind of questions you ask but don’t really want an answer?

Rhetorical questions are questions that we use more as a statement for effect with no answer expected. The answer may be obvious or implied by how the question is posed.

These questions are asked when you are make judgments or interpretations of what it is your client is sharing with you and can sometimes lead to “I don’t know” answers.

A rhetorical question might sound like this:

“How are you going to find the time to get the plan done if you don’t have the time?”

“How will you plan to get that done without a plan?”

Instead, you might ask the above question in this way:

“How much time do you think it will take you to create the plan?”

When you feel the urge for a rhetorical question coming on… STOP! Take a step back and self-manage your interpretation of the issue. Be curious; ask clarifying questions, so that you know what the client means from their perspective. From here you can ask the empowering and powerful questions that will keep the client moving forward with objective and clear support.

#5 Leading ?’s

As a coach, you trust that your clients have the answer but how many times do you have the urge to just tell them what to do? Instead, you might just ask a question that might lead them to what you have in mind. It’s still a question, right?

Yes, but not a very empowering one. Leading questions are just a clever way to direct the client’s thinking or perspective on an issue in the way that you think they should consider. The client hasn’t referenced it himself and you think it is just what he needs to do.

STOP! Stay with what the client is telling you and ask questions based on that. What you think is best, may not be the solution for your client.

A Leading ? might sound like this:

“You are clearly overwhelmed. How about approaching this one step at a time and create a plan?”

“What about just asking for the extra time you need?”

Instead, you could rephrase to a more empowering question:

“What you are saying is you feel overwhelmed, what is a possible approach you could take considering your situation?”

Really trust that the client knows what to do and how to do it. Stay just with what the client is saying and ask your questions from there. Trust the coaching process and resist the urge to lead them in a certain direction.

#6 Close-ended ?’s

Last but not least, close-ended questions. Of course, you know not to ask close-ended questions. You received good training, right? So at all costs avoid these bad boys. They are nothing but bad news because they just don’t give your clients the chance to tap into their brilliance.

Close-ended questions are limited and access only the left side of the brain to elicit a yes or no answer. We know that in conversation we ask these types of questions all the time and no one ever just answers yes or no, they tell you the story, of course.

In a coaching session, to truly Be Brilliant at what you do, your questions have to be open-ended, empowering, powerful and thought provoking questions that probe, inspire, motivate and create greater self-awareness. Here the client can access the right side of the brain where creativity, possibility and opportunity are waiting to emerge for them. Empowering, open-ended questions are a win-win—you get to Be Brilliant and your client gets to shine.

Here’s what you need to remember from this article to Be Brilliant at what you do:

Avoid these 6 confusing questions in every session:

[dropcap3 variation=”blue”]1[/dropcap3]Why ?’s

[dropcap3 variation=”blue”]2[/dropcap3]Stacking ?’s

[dropcap3 variation=”blue”]3[/dropcap3]Long-winded ?’s

[dropcap3 variation=”blue”]4[/dropcap3]Rhetorical ?’s

[dropcap3 variation=”blue”]5[/dropcap3]Leading ?’s

[dropcap3 variation=”blue”]6[/dropcap3]Close-ended ?’s

Instead, ask empowering and powerful questions that are always thought provoking, succinct, inspiring, motivating, open-ended and invite self-awareness.